In this article I interview Dr. Nice Guy to answer all of these questions and more. Nice guys also typically have a generalized feeling of frustration and maybe resentment in life. Being nice to people, buying them drinks, doing things for them, fixing their problems, volunteering to help their sister move etc. Well, the other person might not have even wanted you to do the things you did for them. They probably just thought you were doing it because you wanted to. But no.
The Problem With “Nice Guys”
The nice guy stereotype asserts that, although women often say that they wish to date kind, sensitive men, when actually given a choice, women will reject nice men in favor of men with other salient characteristics, such as physical attractiveness. To explore this stereotype, two studies were conducted. In Study 1, 48 college women were randomly assigned into experimental conditions in which they read a script that depicted 2 men competing for a date with a woman.
The niceness of 1 target man’s responses was manipulated across conditions. In Study 2, college women were randomly assigned to conditions in which both the target man’s responses and his physical attractiveness were manipulated. Overall results indicated that both niceness and physical attractiveness were positive factors in women’s choices and desirability ratings of the target men.
The reason why nice guys, or should I say kind men, generally struggle with getting the girls they want is not because of kindness itself. It is because of all the.
I once dated a really nice guy. He was funny, we had fun together, we had good chemistry — but something was off. You attract those who reflect your current state of being. When I think about my once nice guy, underneath our good times and our friendship was his lack of direction in his life. He always had big ideas, but never followed through with them.
We found common ground, friendship, and chemistry because we were both in the exact same place in our lives. Metaphorically speaking, he was like a mirror showing me who I was at that time. So ending it was really hard. I tried to get him to end it, and he never would. It was like giving up a good chocolate sundae on a hot summer day. But the more I stuck it out, the more it made me feel really yucky.
When you give energy to a bad relationship, it only prevents something new to come to you.
Hey there, I’m Sim
Last Updated: May 13, References. To create this article, volunteer authors worked to edit and improve it over time. There are 20 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
Nice Guys are terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person’s problem. Nice Guys form.
After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend , I quickly learned that putting yourself out there is really just a shortcut to feelings of disappointment and, well, emotional pain. So why am I wasting time looking for the catch? Whenever I share my happy news of seeing a genuinely nice guy being clouded by my expectation that the other shoe—whatever it may be—is bound to drop, people seem to get me.
In fact, many others have issues accepting sincere kindness from a new flame. What gives? No surprises here, but having difficulties trusting kindness in a romantic relationship might stem from generalized trust issues. She adds that the struggle could originate from any number of things, including childhood experiences or situations with past significant others. Subconsciously a pessimist about love?
You might be self-sabotaging as a method of self-preservation. Rework your perspective so you can be open to the healthy relationship you totally deserve. Try your hardest to really start fresh and not bring your past or your inner naysayer into a new relationship. For some more dating assistance, these are first date questions you should avoid. And this is the one trait to look for in a partner. I Tried It to Find Out.
The sinister logic behind ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’, explained by psychologists
The next day, he booked us into a restaurant with a six-week waiting list thus announcing his intentions to see me for the foreseeable future , and when I mused aloud about decorating, he offered to paint my walls no euphemism. Only one thing festered — his fungal nail infection. I tried not to look, but at least two of his fingers were adorned with what looked like decomposing bark off a gnarly tree.
I think that it is because nice guys take a feminine dating role. and less severe issues will kill a man’s relationship far more than worse issues in a woman.
Have you found yourself getting friend zoned and rejected? And when you do end up stuck in a relationship with a woman, she ends up being difficult or dysfunctional? Have you found yourself bored and uninspired in your career? And do you hide from the spotlight for fear of taking on too much responsibility? As you reflect on your life, how many times did fear, anxiety, procrastination, and insecurity hold you back?
And how many times did you beat yourself up for it? As a recovering Nice Guy myself, I feel your pain.
The Nice Guy Syndrome
One client repeatedly wrestled with this issue. This conundrum commonly led to relationships with struggling musicians and artist types that ended up with her financially supporting them. This was not what she wanted for a long-term relationship. She left each of those situations feeling used and unappreciated. But she was not physically attracted to him.
This is a common challenge I hear many women face.
That was the problem. Jumping into intimacy when you’ve only just begun dating feels inauthentic. You know what it’s like? Like someone.
Robert Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy. A collective set of behaviors and attitudes that are collectively agreed upon to contribute to the general well-being and functioning of society. Nice Guys inherently lack social status , so they try to compensate for it in other ways — being nice, being one of them. Life is not about getting everyone to approve of you and avoiding all conflict and friction and keeping everything smooth. If anyone asked me to sum up the predominant mental attitude of a Nice Guy, it would have to be fear rooted in powerlessness.
Nice Guys love ideas, theories, and intellectualism because they offer a brief respite from their overwhelming sense of powerlessness in the real world. Nice Guys tend to have a very structured, dogmatic, and angular view of reality. When this paradigm starts to break down, Nice Guys become very isolated.
In our modern world, Nice Guys inevitably set up fantasy realms in the world of pornography or video games, where everything goes well all the time.
Does Dating a Slew of Duds Make It Impossible to Accept a Genuinely Nice Guy?
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The problem is the multitude of men who claim to be that “nice guy,” while at the same time Should be attracted to them or want to date them.
I always appreciate it when a topic for an article happens to fall into my lap. Whiskey all the while cursing my laptop for betraying me by not magically producing the pages that the DMT elves promised me. The Nice Guy spends his time trying to be as close to his designated crush as possible — after all, the more time he gets to spend with her, the more opportunities she gets to recognize his inner stud-muffin.
All of this attention is done, not with the desire to support his friend but to ingratiate her to him. Small wonder most Nice Guys choose to run away and complain about it on their social networks instead. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him.
Recovering From Being a “Nice” Guy
A nice guy is an informal term for an often young adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being agreeable , gentle , compassionate , sensitive and vulnerable. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive or otherwise non-masculine. It is also often used particularly in the context of dating  to describe someone who pretends to possess “nice guy” characteristics and uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.
The results of the research on romantic perception of “nice guys” are mixed and often inconsistent.
“Nice guys” trying to get dates and girlfriends. “I Would Hold You, and Cherish You, and ” nice guy problem. The “nice guy.
I did everything I could to make her happy. I tried to solve her problems. I tried to be a good father to her children. I tried to be a better man than the other men in her past. I tried to be the best lover she had ever had. I put her needs ahead of mine. In spite of everything I did for her, it never seemed enough. I could never seem to make her happy.
She was frequently moody and would lash out at me, seemingly without provocation. Our sex life sucked. My resentment grew, but I kept it all inside. I just kept trying harder to do whatever it would take to make her happy and get her to give me the love, appreciation, and sex I so deeply desired.
Why I Don’t Date Nice Guys
Thanks to a recent study, this is now scientifically verifiable. The research it refers to is a study published earlier this year, which suggested that some men smoke and drink because this makes them more attractive short-term partners. One way to investigate the issue is to present women with hypothetical men with different personality types and see which ones they prefer.
In one such study , participants had to help a fictional character named Susan choose a date from three male contestants, based on their answers to her questions.
One client repeatedly wrestled with this issue. There is a lot of “grey” with dating so give the nice guys second chances and see if your chemistry chart.
Ah, the “nice guy”. You know, the one was says you’re “not like other girls” and pretends to be so caring and chill but then immediately goes into bellend mode when you reject him. Admittedly, some guys are quite nice. But “nice guys” in quote marks are the ones who act super nice, but beneath the surface are complete arseholes.
Here, women who dated “nice guys” share their worst experiences. And yeah, they’ll make you rage. He seemed really nice. Slightly self deprecating. So I decided to give him a chance. Sent me tons of texts begging me to go out again. Left lengthy voicemails professing his love for me, and even would show up unannounced at my work to see me. Next day he started messaging me, asking if he could come over. I just really didn’t know what to say since I regretted giving him my number and was honestly busy, so I didn’t reply to him.